デンジャラス・ジャパン

Summer in Japan is not for the faint of heart -- an assortment of perils lurk right outside my apartment door. Today, I stepped outside my apartment, and after a thirty second walk down the stairs to my bike, I was already dripping with sweat. By the time I arrived at work five minutes later, I had a rather unattractive stain down the front of my shirt. Ugh.

It is really hot here.

Along with the recent heat wave, the two flights of stairs up to my apartment have suddenly become quite perilous. Since the exterior of my apartment building is bright yellow and brightly lit, every night, every single bug in the whole city comes flocking towards my building. When I come back to my apartment at night, I have to duck and dodge various critters, most of which are at least twice as big as any bug I have ever seen in Washington. Sometimes I feel like I'm living inside a video game:

Level One: Duck the spider webs on the first flight of stairs, and be sure to jump over the two gigantic beetles patrolling the second story landing. Don't let them spear you with their fearsome antennae and eat you, or you'll lose one life and be sent back to start.

(This one is actually one of the smaller beetles. I dropped my keys right next to him and dreaded picking them up, but fortunately, he was a rather sluggish type so I was able to retrieve my keys unscathed and pass on to Level 2.)

Level Two: The second set of stairs are relatively easy to negotiate, but beware of the occasional spider webs and purple lizards climbing up the walls. The lizards won't hurt you, but they can sure freak you out if they jump onto your head.

Level Three: On the third floor, keep low and time your dash to your apartment door carefully to avoid being dive-bombed by small birds which fly back and forth across the walkway frantically trying to find a way out of the netting that surrounds the apartment. When you reach your door, open and close it as quickly as possible to avoid letting in any unwanted guests.

***Should an unwanted guest enter your apartment, (e.g. a gigantic green bug with wings) nervously watch it fly circles around your light fixture, try to ignore it for half an hour, and finally trap it in a cup and take it outside in order to avoid accidentally inhaling it in your sleep.

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Two Sundays ago, I discovered yet another peril of living in an old apartment in the heat of the Japanese summer. I had been working in the next city every night from Thursday to Sunday, so I had been eating out and hadn't used any of my kitchen appliances for almost a week. When I came home on Sunday night, I opened the refrigerator and was greeted by the most disgusting odor I have ever smelled in my life.

My ancient refrigerator had succumbed to the heat and quit working at a very inopportune time. In the sweltering heat, the leftover noodles, frozen hamburger, and the veggies in the crisper did not fare too well, and there was black mold everywhere. Fortunately, I eventually managed to clean out the fridge and freezer without dying from the fumes. The mold was pretty terrifying, though.

After a week with no fridge at all, my office ordered a new fridge and sent it to my apartment on Monday. It is hands down the most beautiful fridge I have ever seen in my life. Big, clean and cold inside. I love it. If it were human, I would marry it.

On a completely unrelated note, I have just noticed that the brand name of the new fridge is "it's," the brand name of my microwave is "Love and Rest," and the brand name of my toilet paper is "Mrs. Wisely."