Video!

Thanks to my brother, Nodo Jiman is now posted on the internet for your watching and listening enjoyment! You can watch the whole show here, or if you'd prefer to skip straight to my segment, check out this link.

Nodo Jiman

The following is the story of December 14^th, 2006, the day that Rinji Gibon* became a Japanese pop star. Mark your calendars, because it'll probably become a national holiday in Japan someday. They don't have 外人の日 yet, do they?

The Japanese Idol taping was scheduled for 7:30 PM, but my day started much earlier. On orders from the secretaries in the Anesthesiology Department, I reported to the medical school that morning at 8:45 to get my hair and make-up done. (A few days before, the secretaries had looked aghast when I mentioned that I planned to appear on the show without even bothering with lipstick. “I prefer to rely on my natural beauty,” I told them, but judging from their looks of shock, that line of thought apparently doesn't fly in this country.) After twenty minutes of curling, spraying, powdering and marveling at my pointy nose and beautiful eyes, they proclaimed their work finished and sent me off to the train station.

Every time I ride the train to Matsuyama, people stare at me, but clad in a dress and heels, I instantly became an Old-Man-Magnet. Literally. This one guy actually walked halfway across the train car just so that he could lean over me and ask me why I was going to Matsuyama. After a few minutes of politely chatting with him and wondering how to say "personal space bubble" in Japanese, the train ride ended and I was able to make a graceful escape.

A little before 11:00, I arrived at the hall where the filming was to take place. I walked into the front lobby, past a gigantic line of people waiting to get tickets to the show, up the stairs, and into the green room where many of my fellow contestants were already waiting. The Nodo Jiman directors had us all introduce ourselves and then sit down in the order we were singing. As luck would have it, once again, I was dead last out of the twenty-four acts. Sitting next to me was Number 22, a former Nodo Jiman champion, and Number 23, a very nice motherly sort of lady whom I enjoyed chatting with throughout the day.

There were lots of interesting characters among the other contestants. I could probably write a whole separate post about them, but for now I'll stick to a quick rundown of my favorites.

Number 10: a very cute, elderly gentleman who really got into his song, jerking the microphone up and down like an out-of-control marionette. Although the directors had us practice reciting our numbers and song titles a zillion times throughout the day, this poor guy never could remember his, and during the show the announcer had to come over and whisper the words in his ear. He was terribly, terribly cute.

I'm trying to figure out how to rip video from a DVD (does anyone know how?) but for now, you'll have to settle for this rather horrible picture taken from my laptop screen.

Red Sweater Man: This guy is absolutely in love with Nodo Jiman -- he had auditioned for the show unsuccessfully forty different times before finally making it on this episode. And boy did he make the most of his chance. In his minute of fame, he ran back and forth across the stage about a dozen times, pumping his fist and wailing about how he'd sell his soul to the devil for the girl he loves. Red Sweater Man, you rock my world.

The Cheerleaders: Yes, the ultra-peppy Hey Mickey cheerleaders from my audition group also made it on the show. After they introduced themselves in the green room, I realized that they actually aren’t high school students at all. In fact, I'm pretty sure that they’re quite a bit older than me. I probably should have guessed this, since all Japanese people look about ten years younger than they actually are. Once again, their performance was quite awe inspiring, and I hope to be able to show it to you on video someday.

The Samurai Motorcyclists: Their picture speaks for itself, I think.

We did walk-throughs and camera rehearsals from noon to about 6 PM, and all the while, the directors reminded us to smile. I had no idea how exhausting it is to smile for six hours straight, but no kidding, by six o’clock I felt like my face was stuck in this weird expression halfway between a smile and a grimace. Being a celebrity is pretty rough.

At 7:30, the taping officially began. The hall was absolutely immense. Standing on the stage and looking up at the five balconies, I felt like I was standing in the middle of that gigantic galactic senate chamber in the new Star Wars movies. It was pretty overwhelming. While each contestant sang, the rest of us sat on benches in the back of the stage and clapped and swayed and cheered. The unison swaying was a bit hokey, but if you got past the cheesiness of it all, it was good fun.

Although I had been really relaxed at my audition, during the actual show I think I let my nerves get the better of me. I really wasn’t all that worried about singing my song -- I had sung it a million times at karaoke, in my kitchen, and in the shower, so I knew that I could pull it off. No, the part that terrified me was the interview after the song. I knew that I would have to speak to the announcer in Japanese in front of all of those people, and I dreaded it. By the time I got up to sing, I was so nervous that my hands were shaking. After blurting out my number and the name of my song, I took a little breath and started the first verse.

In retrospect, I should have thought more about that first breath, because throughout the first few lines, I sounded like a scared sheep and felt like I was gasping for air. Fortunately, by the chorus, I settled down a bit and started to have fun. And then, right before the second verse, my turn was up and my glorious minute and a half of fame ended.

At that point, the announcer sauntered over and began to interview me. Unexpectedly, I managed to avoid sounding like a complete idiot for at least the first three seconds of the interview:

Announcer: So you teach Medical English to medical students at Ehime University, right?

Me: Yes, that’s right.

Announcer: Where did you study Japanese?

Me: I studied for four years in America.

Announcer: And I hear that your grandmother is…?

Me: My grandma is Okinawan.

Announcer. Oh, really?? So now it has been three months since you came to Matsuyama.

Me: … huh? (deer-in-headlights look)

Announcer: It has been only three months since you came to Matsuyama, correct?

Me: Oh, haha yes. *nervous chuckle*

Announcer: Can you tell us which word in the local dialect here has made the biggest impression on you?

Me: Dialect is difficult. *chuckle chuckle*

Announcer: Um, yes. What exactly is difficult?

Me: Oh, haha. The word ken.

Announcer: (Japanese thing that I can’t really translate) Well, you’ve done well for yourself here. Thank you!

Me: m(>_<)m

After a couple songs by two of the special guest stars (a very graceful lady in a kimono and a man with the most expressive eyebrows I have ever seen), the show wrapped up at about 9 PM. I didn’t become the champion, but I did come away with two fabulous prizes: a pretty sweet trophy and the autographs of all five of the guest stars. Also, I exchanged e-mails with some of the other contestants and increased my pool of karaoke buddies. So despite my attack of nerves, I really had a marvelous day.

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I missed the actual TV broadcast because I was back in the U.S. when the show was on, but from what I gather, most of my students definitely watched it. Since I have returned to Japan, they've given me five DVDs and two videotapes of the show. :D

As of yet, I haven’t received any phone calls from any record labels (which was to be expected after my somewhat less than brilliant performance), but I have become sort of a celebrity in my town. One day, when Tyler and I walked into a restaurant behind the medical school, the owner looked up and immediately cried, “I saw you in Nodo Jiman!! You were so cute!” Hearing this, everyone else in the whole restaurant turned around and pandemonium broke out. A little girl in the corner even started jumping up and down and yelling すごい!! (Fantastic!!) It was surreal. For the rest of the night, we could hear people whispering about us, and the little girl kept running over to peek at the gaijin celebrity at the next table.

Besides the folks in the restaurant behind the medical school, I also appear to have a following in several local convenience stores, an udon shop over in the next prefecture, and someone's mother's town in Kyoto. These people are all so cute. :)

Interestingly, all of my adoring fans seem to be most impressed with how pretty I looked onstage. The funny thing, though, is that when I finally watched the show on DVD, my first thought was, Wow, I look like…well…I look like someone who doesn’t know how to walk in a dress. It was seriously like watching Big Bird tottering across the stage in heels. But hey, if that's what Japanese people think is beautiful, I won't complain. I suppose I should take advantage of this situation. There must be dozens of modeling jobs in Japan for awkward-looking white people.

* There's something about my Japanese-ified name that just doesn't feel right. Maybe it's that Rinji sounds like a combination of "dingy" and "raunchy."

Perhaps it would be wise to come up with a stage name. Suggestions welcome!

Upside Down and Backwards

Hi all, I'm back in Japan again after a very nice two-week trip back to Seattle. I ate entirely too much good food and visited lots of family and friends, so it was quite a fun vacation.

Between the 11 hour flight to Japan and the 12 hour bus ride to my island, I've had lots of time to reflect on my career plans and the decisions I've made in my life lately, and friends, I would like you to know that I have made quite an important discovery about myself. I know that you will find this hard to believe, but please bear with me and read on: I have mystical powers which allow me to control the weather. Behold the indisputable evidence:

# of large windstorms and resulting power outages while I was in Seattle: 0

# of large windstorms and resulting power outages while I was not in Seattle: 1

# of snowstorms while I was in Seattle: 0

# of snowstorms while I was not in Seattle: 2

There you have it. The weather in Seattle was clearly better while I was there. I bet you're even sorrier that I'm gone now, huh.

Thusfar, I have not discovered exactly where the source of my powers lies, although sometimes the big toe on my right foot starts to tingle right before it's going to rain. Rest assured that I will spend the next eight months learning how to harness my powers so that I can better serve you all once I return to Seattle in August.

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I'm surprised at how sluggish my brain feels after just two short weeks of not speaking Japanese. While I can still understand most of the things that people say to me, when I try to answer, I have to think much too hard to fish even the easiest words out of the back of my brain. Everything seems hazy, upside down and backwards. It's a pretty weird feeling to be plunged into and out of English-mode so quickly.

Other weirdness since I've been back:

- On Tuesday afternoon, I ordered a green salad at a restaurant and was served a bowl full of cabbage, more cabbage, egg salad, onions, some sort of sprouts, and french fries.

- On Tuesday night, while waiting for a light to change at an intersection behind the medical school, I had a delightful conversation with a random man on the street corner. This particular man appeared to be going through some sort of midlife crisis (??). He looked about 40, but had long, Japanese pop-starrish hair and was wearing sunglasses at 9 o'clock at night.

Random Man: [pointing behind us at the medical school, and attempting to speak English] sukuuru. sukuuru. (School. School.)

Me: hai? etto, hai, igakubu desu. (Huh? Uh...yep...that's the medical school, all right.)

Random Man: kaeri? (Are you on your way home?)

Me: anou.... (Um...)

[Random Man concludes that I'm hesitating because I don't understand him, and valiantly attempts to switch back to English.]

Random Man: uiru yuu go tsu mai hoomu? (Will you go to my home?)

Me: huh? what? uh... no.

Mercifully, at this point, the light changed and I biked away and left him on the street corner. For those of you who don't know Japanese, the rest of the story will require a little extra explanation so I'm afraid it just won't be funny anymore, but here goes.

It wasn't until I was a couple blocks away from Random Man that I realized I had misunderstood his "English." In Japanese, mai hoomu doesn't actually mean "my home" -- it means "a person's personal home" -- so as it turns out, Random Man wasn't asking me to come home with him after all. He was just asking me if I was on my way home...which is a little less weird, I guess. Yes, I am definitely back in Japan.

- On Wednesday night, I edited another English journal article for one of the internal medicine doctors. As I read the first paragraph, something just didn't feel right to me, so I did a bit of research online. Sure enough, the first two sentences from the Japanese doctor's article were exactly identical to those in an abstract published by a doctor in Ireland. I asked Ikuko what I should do, and she said I should probably mention the sentences to the doctor when I handed back the article.

But when I showed the doctor what I had found, he kind of laughed and said, "Wow, you're good. You found those sentences, huh? Don't worry about it. Everyone copies stuff."

This can't really be the case, can it?

Fortunately for the dirty plagiarist, the Irish doctor apparently wasn't such a good speller -- there were two spelling errors in the first sentence of the original abstract. Since I corrected the spelling errors in the Japanese doctor's version, it will probably be a little harder for the journal editors to do a simple web search and find out that it's plagiarized. Ugh. I have this bad feeling that I unwittingly helped him get away with it.

I just got a phone call from the band mastaa and have to leave for jazz band rehearsal, so I'll have cut this entry short, but stay tuned for two upcoming back issues in which I detail my Japanese Idol appearance and my budding career as a nightclub singer. Bye!