掃除好き

I've been told that the English teachers at my university have lived in this same apartment for the last fifteen years. And upon closer inspection of the apartment, I have come to the conclusion that it has probably been about fifteen years since it was last cleaned. Of course, I admit that I have abnormally high standards for cleanliness, since I am apparently genetically predisposed to be a bit of a clean freak. But my standards aside, it was definitely a bit icky in here before I got around to cleaning it yesterday morning.

I am proud to say that I have conquered the substantial dust bunny collection under the bed, as well as the odd odor emanating from the ~15 year-old package of taco seasoning in the cupboard above the sink. However, I have yet to figure out the slightly barfy smell coming from the toilet, so if anyone has any tips on that sort of thing, I would be ever so grateful if you could let me know.

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Since it has been about a hundred million degrees out for the past couple days, I set off to work today with a wet head and figured that it would dry during my bike ride. Unfortunately, it was actually quite a bit cooler today and sprinkling a little bit, so that by the time I got to our office, I still looked like I had just gotten out of the shower. I wasn't sure whether it would be acceptable to show up for work in such a disheveled state, but after a bit, I decided to just go inside since no one in the medical school building really knows who I am anyway.

But when I got to my office, my boss, Ikuko, told me that today was the day that she wanted to introduce me to various people around the school. Great, thought I, this will make a fabulous first impression, but since Ikuko was pretty set on making the rounds, I had no choice but to go. Strangely enough, when I was introduced to the secretaries on the sixth floor, the first thing they said was "kawaii!!" which means something to the effect of, "You're so cute!" At first I thought maybe they were being sarcastic, but I abandoned that thought after they repeated themselves several times and kept asking me to come hang out with them. Maybe they were blinded by my beautiful eyes or pointy nose? Anyway, I haven't decided whether my new popularity has arisen as a result of my hair style or in spite of it, but for now I guess I'll think twice before I blow dry.

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My only private student today was still away on vacation so I spent the day at the office going through my desk drawers scavenging for useful information from my predecessors. After looking through all of the files, I've come to realize that Toby and Nathan, last year's teachers, are gods. I had already known that they had reorganized the classes and put together completely new study materials. But I had no idea how uh...questionable the previous teachers' materials were. Here's a sampling of old test questions I found. (And keep in mind that these questions were supposed to be on the final for a medical English language class.)

12. Which statement is not an example of an effective way to present evidence?

a. President Bush announced that he plans to withdraw American soldiers from Iraq as soon as possible.
b. George Thompson, a soldier stationed Iraq, lost his legs in a recent bombing attack. For the rest of his life, he will need help for the most basic activities.
c. As of January 31, 2005, more than 2,000 American soldiers have died in Iraq.
d. Since the war in Iraq started, almost 20,000 Iraqi civilians have died.
e. Americans were told that Iraq was building weapons of mass destruction when the war in Iraq began, but it is now clear that Iraq was doing no such thing.

I can't put my finger on it, but apparently this teacher was a bit preoccupied with something when she wrote this question. Whatever she was thinking about, I doubt it had much to do with medicine or English...

Here's another:

23. Your patient says, " I've been having headaches," during an exam. You should reply:

a. What have you been eating?
b. When do they happen?
c. You know, you have beautiful eyes. (Yes, this option really appeared in the test.)
d. Are you under a lot of stress?
e. Does your stomach ever hurt?

And finally my favorite "medical English" test question:

5. Taboo! Describe the word "chicken" in English without using "chicken," "bird," "egg," "farm," or "fried."

I have no idea how this teacher got away with giving her students such a weird test, but needless to say, after reading these imaginitive questions, I was quite glad to see Toby and Nathan's packets, which seem to be much more relevant to what we're actually supposed to be teaching.

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TV show of the day:

Contestants sit at a rotating sushi counter, dressed in costumes from various countries, and prepare for some sort of game. The "American" and the "Russian" wear fake, white pointy noses, presumably to make themselves look caucasian...(?) The game begins as the contestants sing a song about themselves and the sushi to the tune of the Mickey Mouse Club Theme Song. Then, several slippery looking pieces of food come around the conveyor belt, and to avoid losing the game, each contestant must pick one up with chopsticks and eat it before it passes a certain point on the belt. The first two contestants are out of the running after they drop a purple fish and a gigantic shu mai, respectively. Finally, the last contestant loses when he fails to pick up a $100 2-inch cube of Okinawan pineapple. As punishment, he is mercilessly spun around in his chair by two heavily-muscled, shirtless men.

With my mad chopstick skills, I would most definitely lose at this game.